The task of the self arises from the depths of the unconscious need to renounce any identification with the collective role and to come to terms with one’s inner archetypal power. A differentiation process and individual personality development away from collective norms and roles. The Ego is compelled to surrender a large part of its perceived autonomy, with an inferred risk of falling into chaos. Depth psychology concentrates on who we truly are beyond the distortions provoked by our parental conditioning and societal demands. The Ego needs to be strong enough to relinquish its functions of control and organisation, and flexible and open to uncertainty. A fragile ego will implement rigid defences against any impulse for transformation from the unconscious. Once the unconscious is confronted, it changes shape and becomes aware of the power at work and the need to cooperate and surrender to the process. The aim is to achieve harmony with these unconscious forces and to centre the whole personality. These forces are structured and integrated by the self after maturation through symbols that convey a “numinous ” element.
The path towards self-realisation
Individuation is a fundamental change in the hierarchy of values, a shift from ego desires and needs into an objective moral stance. Higher consciousness increases awareness of our inner psychic connections and conflicts, gaining a sense of meaning and understanding of one’s psychic life. Many people with narcissistic personalities manage and master the first half of life due to their innate intelligence, talent and guile, providing superficial gratifications and existence. However, we can’t avoid ageing, illness and mental limitations, which eventually catch up with us in middle age. They may have to face separation, loss, and loneliness for the first time in their lives, confronting the grandiose self with its fragility, limitations, and transience.
Lack of Empathy
The narc cannot show or understand the concept of empathy as they have not started the individuation process; they are stuck in a fused state with no access to the interpersonal realm of different thoughts, values or subjectivity. The narc has no awareness of their motives or impulses, and they cannot communicate or discern single acts of recognition. They lack an adaptation for perceiving, acknowledging, or tolerating differences in another person. Empathy requires effort and the ability to delay gratification, as one sets aside one’s feelings and desires to gather information from the outside world and others. The capacity for empathy is an inborn potential in the human psyche with deep archetypal roots. If the differentiation of this capacity is impeded or arrested, it will remain at a primitive level. The person will see others as extensions of themselves, in which we all feel and think the same, an unconscious identity operating within a participation mystique. Due to their lack of curiosity and creativity, they cannot imagine a psychic reality different from their own, unable to set firm boundaries between subject and object, Ego and self.
Creativeness
Through the creative use of transitional objects, infants can strengthen their capacity to take control of their lives. The infant can actively play and respond effectively to their creative impulses, working through unconscious conflicts and generating and manifesting options to overcome them. Psychic imbalances denote conflict between conscious and unconscious strivings. Creative activities such as dreams, fantasies, and imagination may allow the unconscious centre to express itself. The rigid, unprepared Ego must deal with a sudden influx of formerly repressed narc libido during playful activities. The person who lives creatively feels life is worth living, has meaning and purpose, and is motivated by the true self. The person begins to experiment with his own nature, a state of fluidity, change, and growth in which nothing is eternally fixed or petrified. The creative unconscious expresses itself through unexpected manifestations, provoking intense affects, defences and instability. The opposite of creativity is compliance, a submissive basis for life, with over-adapting for the cost of psychic aliveness.
Humour
Anyone with narcissistic fragility cannot tolerate or understand jokes, perceived as insults and slights, making everyone walk on eggshells around them. However, narcs use sarcastic remarks to scare off potential aggressors and keep people at a distance and outside the interpersonal realm. It requires a tremendous capacity for humour to resist identification with a grandiose image of sheer perfection. The narc cannot relate to themself with genuine tolerance for ambivalence and weaknesses. They constantly fear embarrassment, humiliation, or exposure, and the risk of making a fool of themselves. This can lead to a traumatic loss of self-esteem, fragmentation, and not living up to grandiose images and expectations. Narcissists constantly seek approval and admiration, not mockery. An unconscious belief that they will be made fun of if they share their true self. Simultaneously, they experience a tremendous need to be seen and taken seriously and be the centre of attention. This results in conflicts in their environment, criticism, punishment, or rejection, and further offence is inflicted. They must move away from the idealised image of perfection toward one who can also be stupid, awkward, and imperfect.
Wisdom
Wisdom requires the courage and the activity to question our perceptions of the self and the world critically. To develop the capacity to accept our human imperfections and wounds, emotionally and intellectually. The inner psychic potential to integrate conflicting reactive patterns and tendencies. To feel balanced, we need social mirroring of our being and empathic responses. Self-objects are necessary for everyday life; they are self-contained and perceived as separate objects, whilst still carrying emotional significance for the individual. The more we understand ourselves and our relationship with others, the greater our wisdom and the more secure our acceptance of transgression and frustrations. The more we are confident in offering love without fearing rejection or humiliation.
Autonomy
The narc lacks true self-assertion and the ability to make decisions for themself outside of a designated social framework or function. The narc is guided by idealised objects and their expectations on how they should perform and behave, leaving them paralysed and stifled when asked to think for themself. The grandiose self is a fixated image and persona that seeks admiration and validation; therefore, it lacks the capacity to think creatively or autonomously. Any genuine self-assertion beyond the internalised demands of idealised objects can lead to stagnation, fragmentation, or collapse. This renders the narc dependent on external stimuli and demands that they mobilise their convictions and motivations to achieve the goals and ambitions of the idealised object. They lack a sense of self-continuity and emotional investment in their achievements, so they cannot hold onto images to work through the obstacles and frustrations of their own free will.
Object Constancy
The love object /partner will not be rejected, discarded or exchanged for another satisfying object if they no longer provide admiration. The individual can hold onto the object and its image, even in their rage, envy, or absence, to maintain the relationship. The object no longer needs to tell the individual they exist and are valued; they can start processing their impulses and delay gratification for stimulus and pleasure. The total self can direct the maturation of the grandiose self, with the ego at the centre of one’s consciousness and its functions oriented toward more mature ideals, not based on achievement, status, or superficial virtue. No mature love relationship can be without mutual self-esteem and subjectivity, which enhance mirroring and idealisation—the sense of belonging, with space and freedom, mutual understanding and acceptance.
Narcissistic formation
The child’s environment is neglectful and emotionally unattending, leaving the child hungry and starved for human warmth, contact, and self-recognition. The child is surrounded by cold, detached, and unemotional objects, imprisoned in a painful struggle, filled with fear, distrust, and dissatisfaction. A narc disturbance in their narcissistic libido leads to impairment and disintegration of specific personality components, distortion of self-perception and low self-esteem. If the Ego-self axis is damaged, the interplay between the self and Ego is disturbed.
Where the Ego is not strong-rooted, it will appear fragile, unstable and be rigidly defensive.
The narc will suffer from subtle feelings of emptiness or depression, with an undermining dullness and inertia. They seldom engage in new mirroring interactions or activities, often misreading or misinterpreting the interplay in ways that reinforce their conviction in maintaining the distorted image—a low self-esteem complex with intense fears of rejection, with expectations to suffer continuously without any let-up. New annihilating blows lead to greater withdrawal, resignation and discouragement. They deeply long for love, appreciation and admiration, but counter it with the “who would ever love me belief. There is an ongoing need for grandiose gratification from the environment and significant others to keep deep unworthiness at bay.
Any thoughts of grandiosity, self-importance, or self-assertion are subjected to harsh criticism, and the child fears the needs of their self-importance, which are never fully developed or expressed. One must be modest and well-behaved, as archaic feelings of omnipotence are split off. The child then feels unable to act spontaneously or correctly and experiences themselves as worthless. The adult’s child fills their centre of emptiness with alcohol, drugs or sex where they need to feel alive. This helps compensate for feelings of inferiority, stagnation, numbness, and paralysis by seeking external stimuli and validation. They have difficulty tolerating any autonomy or separation from their partner, as their self-fusion is under threat and lacks cohesion. When coupled with feelings of frustration and rejection, unconscious fits of rage are projected onto the bad object rather than mirrored or admired. Only what is perfect is allowed; anything else affects the grandiose self-image, leading to feelings of shame and inferiority. Accepting or acknowledging one’s weakness or shadow means one is not perfect and one’s whole existence is worthless.
If their partner is not perfect at mirroring or idealising them, their disappointment is total, desperately disillusioned, and they may feel their world is collapsing around them, like a 2-year-old child. The narc identifies with ideals and rigid principles that are supposed to remain valid forever in every case and every instant. Any Sense of doubt will cause identity confusion, as they lack any self-critical ability or analysis to counter such doubts. A child abandoned in its helplessness and dependence causes the narc to erupt with intense rage, with an unconscious sadistic desire to devour or get revenge on their mother. Their subjectivity is subordinated forever, unable to establish their own realm of influence as the separation of primal archetypal parents has not taken place.
The greater the need for fusion , the lesser the critical ability
A constant seeking for fusion with an idealised object or ideology to be held within the group of similar kinship (mother container). The leader and authority figure regulate what is considered normal and stipulate the individual’s goals and ambitions.
Narcissistic Disorders of Self Pathology
- Sexual Sphere – results in perverse fantasies or a lack of interest in sex
- Social Sphere – work inhibitions, inability to form and maintain significant relationships, delinquent behaviour. Exploitative and superficial social interactions
- Personality Features – lack of humour, lack of sense of proportion, no empathy for others, unconditional rage and pathological lying. Alternating feelings of grandiosity or inferiority, overdependence or withdrawal.
- Boredom and emptiness – continuous search for instant gratification of strivings for brilliance, wealth and beauty
- Chronic Uncertainty and dissatisfaction with themself.
- Intense envy and defences against any show of envy
- Psychosomatic Sphere – Hypochondria preoccupations
When the father is aloof or absent, the child is left to the mother’s brutality or narcissism, where no idealisation occurs, leaving the child feeling empty, helpless and stifled. They will always seek out an idealised object to fuse with, always longing for an object to idealise, to validate and approve of them. The greater the need for fusion (expressed in religion or ideology), the less the critical ability to discern and make one’s own evaluations. Treatment with narcissism is complex and lengthy, as there is no transference, as their libido has been internalised and fused with the grandiose self. The other/partner is used for the maintenance of the individual’s own narcissistic equilibrium. The therapist is also internalised and unconsciously asked to collude with the narcissistic fantasy, where the individual may want to be admired and fulfilled. The therapist’s position and tolerance for creativity and spontaneity are often rejected or ignored, as doing so would entail breaking parental taboos. They may have to relate to their impulses, needs, and hurts, without splitting them off. If they can consciously and successfully cope with problems, they will enable the unconscious to cooperate rather than be driven into opposition and conflict. Nothing is scarier than becoming dependent again, admitting to a need for others, and wanting to be vulnerable and intimate.
